Dear America.....

Please stop comforting yourself with bullshit stories about how violent media is making us mindless, violent zombies. Please stop trivializing things like this by saying we need more religion in our lives. And while I admire wanting to step up efforts to make sure people like this lunatic don't get their hands on absurd arsenals, it's merely a half hearted...and half assed solution. 

No. It's time we stop dancing around the issue of mental illness. I know, I get it. We're a proud nation. We don't want to admit to ourselves the system could ever fail people. But it's time to have a serious discussion. I don't have any freaking clue what can be done to better deal with this, but I do know admitting there's a problem is a good first step (Yep, just like addiction). 

But in the sea of what ifs....What if the movie wasn't so violent....what if God was there...what if you couldn't legally obtain these weapons.....isn't it nice to know that there's one certainty? That some people just need HELP.


Sincerely,
One of those weird quiet loners the media warns you about after this stuff happens.

I'm on to you.

You're all secret robots!


Named Ralph. Secret robots named Ralph. That know kung fu.

Yes, Mr. Sherman, everything stinks.

You better be careful Jon.

Calling Obama a fucking asshole could land you a spot on Victoria Jackson's next tour.

And now......a hypothetical conversation with a Popsicle stick!

Popsicle Stick asks: What kind of music sticks with you?

Me: I don't know, popsicle stick, what kind of music sticks with you?

Popsicle stick: TAPED MUSIC!

Me: Um....see that doesn't really work ....no one tapes their music anymore. Your concept is fundamentally flawed from the start

Popsicle stick: What do you want from me, I'm just a damn stick, asshole

Controversial opinion: Occupy Wall Street

I know you're all waiting for my opinions on Occupy Wall Street with baited breath. I have yet to speak out on the subject

And I won't. Sorry.

Too.....cute......must....resist............

Today while walking past the Head Start, a woman with a duck umbrella got in her car.

Quote from one of the little kids:

"Bye duckie! Bye duckie! Bye duckie!"

My cynacism has been zapped....damn you, duckie umbrella kryptonite! You win this round.......

A Typical Broadcast Day At The Simpsons Channel

There's a rumor that there could someday be a Simpsons channel. I've taken the liberty of programming the channel to save time for those involved:

The first 9 hours will be pretty good. Hours 10-14 will be wildly inconsistent. The next 5 hours will be absolutely dreadful, and the day will finish with the rest of the programming aiming for mediocrity because that's the best they can do.

Oh...and hour 13 is nothing but a National Geographic documentary featuring clips of a man repeatedly getting raped by a panda.