The Palm Reader

"Give me your palm", the fortune teller demanded as eerie music filled the room. "Oh, I see a great many things in your future".

"Yeah, yeah???", asked the eager, yet bemused consumer.

"I see....a beautiful house!"

"Oooh....."

"And a beautiful wife"

"Go on!"

"But wait....these are not your things....How...how did you get here?"

"Wait...what? I....I...."

"My GOD, What have you done???????"

"I don't like where this is headed...."

The palm reader fainted in her chair as the consumer fled her tent.

Three days later, the consumer was apprehended for the grisly murder of his brother's new wife on their wedding night.

The Adventures Of Young Phil Collins!

Voice on the other end of the phone: 911 emergency?

Phil: Yeah right. I'm at the lake right? And I just saw some bloke, right? And he was watching this other bloke swim, right? And then the other bloke started drowning, right? And he was right there, right? He could've saved him, right? And he didn't. right?

Voice: So?

Phil: Right?

Voice: Sir, why didn't you save him then?

Phil: I'm a bloody rock and roll genius, right? Saving people's not me bag, right?

Voice: Well there's nothing we can do about it

Phil: Right?

Voice: Sir, if you're such a bloody rock and roll genius, you should write a song about this and then play it for him in concert.

Phil: Well I think I will then, right? I'll show you! I'll show all of you, right?

True story.