It was just a typical day on the set.

The same stories, the same arguments, the same preaching to the same choir.

But the anticipation was in the air.

Tonight was the start of the next chapter. Ratings, awards, a devout fan following, none of this shit mattered.

A calling is a calling, and you can only put it off so long.

For months now, the end of the night's show signaled the beginning. Extensive training, extensive resaerch, extensive sewing of a kicky costume. Each kick, each alphabetically ordered entry into a database, each breathable fiber, bringing the day closer and closer. Today was that day.

He loved his country. He was borderline obsessed with his country. Quite frankly, his country gave him a boner.

It was time to repay the favor. He said his good night, left the studio, and embarked on his journey.

He cruised around looking for action. He stumbled upon a bank robbery in process. He briefly considered making this his first conquest, but quickly came to his senses. "It's beneath me", he thought, "and it fights the system".. He sped past the getaway driver and offered a thumbs up.

No, he was trying to hook bigger fish in bigger ponds. There was his target. He parked his car, and approached the office of his country's latest political enemy, his not at all flamboyant costume flapping in the light breeze and leaving nothing to the imagination.


He was shot to death on sight.

My new life's goal

I want to be attacked by a pundit.

No, not in some cutesy internet meme, I mean the real deal, I wanna full on on-air "Neil Persson is the next Hitler!" rant!

I don't care what affiliation does it....Bring me your conservatives, your liberals, your lovable inbred 3rd party wackos. Be you teabagger, salad tosser, or a member of the Pearl Necklace Brigade (Oh, they're good), bring on the hate!!!

And hey...if you know any political pundits, pass this along. Tell them I hate them and I will eat their puppy!

Note: I do not condone Hitler or eating puppies.

The Envioromental Candidate

Someone please tell me how you can be an Environmental Candidate when blanketing a town with flyers that absolutely everyone will throw in the trash.

Ever hear of e-mail dude? And then I can blcok you?