Friday, December 31, 2010
From All Of Me At Mickey's Next Deal
Happy start of "Every new film the next couple months is the first great film of 2011!" season!
The Jack White/Tony Danza Theory
I've made a startling discovery: Jack White is Tony Danza!
Think about it:
White Stripes=Taxi. Undeniable classic. Gets better and more popular around the third album, much like Taxi's second season with the arrival of Christopher Lloyd.
The Raconteurs=Who's The Boss-OK, had it's moments, but not particularly memorable.
The Dead Weather=Tony's further sitcom ventures. Enough already. And why does he keep naming his character Tony?
All that's missing is a boxing career and a daytime talk show.
Think about it:
White Stripes=Taxi. Undeniable classic. Gets better and more popular around the third album, much like Taxi's second season with the arrival of Christopher Lloyd.
The Raconteurs=Who's The Boss-OK, had it's moments, but not particularly memorable.
The Dead Weather=Tony's further sitcom ventures. Enough already. And why does he keep naming his character Tony?
All that's missing is a boxing career and a daytime talk show.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Music Wrap-Up 2010!
Eminem taught us domestic violence was bad, Maroon 5 taught us domestic violence is hot if it's the chick, and Florence and the Machine taught us if both parties are into it, domestic violence is the hottest fucking thing EVER.
Viva 2010!
Viva 2010!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Really?
There's already a commercial for the "9/11 Tenth Anniversary Commemorative Coin"?
Can we get to January 1st, 2013 before we get the "Fuck The Mayans" coin?
Can we get to January 1st, 2013 before we get the "Fuck The Mayans" coin?
Saturday, December 25, 2010
The Stillman's Holiday Family Newsletter
Seasons Greetings!
I hope this writing finds you and yours in good spirits, and that they follow you into the new year and beyond!
It's been an interesting 2010 in the Stillman household.
In January, the year got off to the worng start as my beloved Roger got laid off from his job at the Textile and Sardine Canning factory. He took it particularly hard. First hitting the bottle, than hitting me, than hitting something called a "cheap ten dollar whore". Our marriage has lasted through many difficult times though, and through faith, therapy, and Red Bull mixed with Vicatin, it didn't take us long beofre we were back on the right track.
And as for Roger's special friend, she moved in with us in February. She lives in our basement, and is fed one square meal a day served under the door. Roger insists we have sex with him at the same time to aid in his recovery process, but I'm not sure this is even humanly possible.
In March, our twin sons Tiberius and Alfredo, took their first steps. It was a magical moment, though I must admit, I found it quite confusing when they walked towards each other and wrestled each other to the ground, and followed this up with a long french kiss.
Boys will be boys I suppose.
Speaking of boys being boys, Roger resumed working. I was and continue to be ecstatic, but I know next to nothing about his new line of work. All I know is he comes home smelling of scotch and perfume, and after a trip to the basement, he's never in the mood to spend time with me. But an income is an income, so I won't judge!
In April, we were thrilled when our two income family became a three income family! Our daughter Maggie, fresh out of her career as a high school heartbreaker, applied for and secured a job at the circus working as the bearded lady. While it's been painful having her away from the hoime months at a time, as she's off travelling with her friends and entertaining thousands, it's comforting to know that she found a job she's so perfect at. Due to her unique condition, she used to need to shave every three hours in order to keep up her feminine appearance and drive the boys wild. Now I'm sure she's breaking hearts, and records!
In May, the moment I dreaded for years had finally arrived. I had turned 50. Having already been fearing my beloved Roger's no longer finding me attractive, I went out and did something I never thought I'd do. I got breast implants. Things were going great, and I looked good, until we found out that my breast implants were once implants rejected by notorius serial killer Jean "The Machine" Pimento. The implants possessed me, and I'm now wanted on murder charges in three states, with New Mexico waiting on a ruling. It's unfortunate, but these things happen.
In June, I returned from my sabbatical to find that my beloved Roger had begun acting unusual. He was now referring to his friend as "Mistress Adrianna" and had told the kids to start calling her mommy. Being the strong willed woman that I am, I accepted this as just a phase, and returned to work. I was so happy to find that despite my recent incident, and despite the murder of my boss at my hand, my old job at Hooters was waiting for me and I was welcomed back with open arms.
Also in June, Tiberius and Alfredo spoke their first words! "Prop 8"! We're not sure what this means, but they're so cute at this age!
In July, we received a very welcome surprise. Our eldest son Stan returned from his tour of duty in the middle east, just in time for the Fourth Of July! Saying that his eyes were now open for the first time in his life, Stan insisted we now call him Fassad, and that we give him directions to the capitol Well we suggested MapQuest, but our internet was down. We later found out this was due to an FBI investigation, and while we wish they'd let us see our Fassad again, they insist his incarceration is for the best.
In August, I was relieved when Roger's "Mistress Adrianna" phase had ended. Even better, the kids were calling me Mommy again! I was starting to feel as things were getting back to normal. To top it all off, we celebrated the arrival of a new addition to our family! At Roger's insistance, we officially adopted Adrianna. I have to say, despite my initial doubts, she's been a terrific fit for our family. She takes care of the kids while we're at work, she cooks all our meals, and even pays rent. Roger still makes nightly trips to the basement, and I'm not quite sure that that's legal or even ethical, he's never seemed happier.
September was a very exciting month for the Stillman clan! We all caught a rare, airborn virus that ravaged most of our town. Thousands died, but not us, we have survival genes! I feel the closest we've ever been as a family was when we were under that quarantine tent. We played games, sang songs, succeeded in invoking the dark one through our years of practicing black magic...which by the way, needs to be mentioned, despite his ritual sacrificing of Adrianna and our dog Sparkles, is one heck of a sweet guy, it was a blast. I'd say the only downside of the experience was I passed out from the virus.
And that's the last thing I remember. I woke up a few days ago and learned that not only was it a few days until Christmas, but that I had been kicked out of the house. Adrianna had reappeared, having been summoned from the dead, and she has now completly usurped my position as head of the household. Which is fine really. My husband is scum and my kids are a bunch of freaks. Let her and her "perfect ass" deal with it. Yeah...you try having four kids and we'll see who has the perfect ass......
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes....have a merry Christmas and a wonderful 2011!
With love,
The future Mrs. Stillman, inmate #4908765
PS: I don't think her ass is that great
I hope this writing finds you and yours in good spirits, and that they follow you into the new year and beyond!
It's been an interesting 2010 in the Stillman household.
In January, the year got off to the worng start as my beloved Roger got laid off from his job at the Textile and Sardine Canning factory. He took it particularly hard. First hitting the bottle, than hitting me, than hitting something called a "cheap ten dollar whore". Our marriage has lasted through many difficult times though, and through faith, therapy, and Red Bull mixed with Vicatin, it didn't take us long beofre we were back on the right track.
And as for Roger's special friend, she moved in with us in February. She lives in our basement, and is fed one square meal a day served under the door. Roger insists we have sex with him at the same time to aid in his recovery process, but I'm not sure this is even humanly possible.
In March, our twin sons Tiberius and Alfredo, took their first steps. It was a magical moment, though I must admit, I found it quite confusing when they walked towards each other and wrestled each other to the ground, and followed this up with a long french kiss.
Boys will be boys I suppose.
Speaking of boys being boys, Roger resumed working. I was and continue to be ecstatic, but I know next to nothing about his new line of work. All I know is he comes home smelling of scotch and perfume, and after a trip to the basement, he's never in the mood to spend time with me. But an income is an income, so I won't judge!
In April, we were thrilled when our two income family became a three income family! Our daughter Maggie, fresh out of her career as a high school heartbreaker, applied for and secured a job at the circus working as the bearded lady. While it's been painful having her away from the hoime months at a time, as she's off travelling with her friends and entertaining thousands, it's comforting to know that she found a job she's so perfect at. Due to her unique condition, she used to need to shave every three hours in order to keep up her feminine appearance and drive the boys wild. Now I'm sure she's breaking hearts, and records!
In May, the moment I dreaded for years had finally arrived. I had turned 50. Having already been fearing my beloved Roger's no longer finding me attractive, I went out and did something I never thought I'd do. I got breast implants. Things were going great, and I looked good, until we found out that my breast implants were once implants rejected by notorius serial killer Jean "The Machine" Pimento. The implants possessed me, and I'm now wanted on murder charges in three states, with New Mexico waiting on a ruling. It's unfortunate, but these things happen.
In June, I returned from my sabbatical to find that my beloved Roger had begun acting unusual. He was now referring to his friend as "Mistress Adrianna" and had told the kids to start calling her mommy. Being the strong willed woman that I am, I accepted this as just a phase, and returned to work. I was so happy to find that despite my recent incident, and despite the murder of my boss at my hand, my old job at Hooters was waiting for me and I was welcomed back with open arms.
Also in June, Tiberius and Alfredo spoke their first words! "Prop 8"! We're not sure what this means, but they're so cute at this age!
In July, we received a very welcome surprise. Our eldest son Stan returned from his tour of duty in the middle east, just in time for the Fourth Of July! Saying that his eyes were now open for the first time in his life, Stan insisted we now call him Fassad, and that we give him directions to the capitol Well we suggested MapQuest, but our internet was down. We later found out this was due to an FBI investigation, and while we wish they'd let us see our Fassad again, they insist his incarceration is for the best.
In August, I was relieved when Roger's "Mistress Adrianna" phase had ended. Even better, the kids were calling me Mommy again! I was starting to feel as things were getting back to normal. To top it all off, we celebrated the arrival of a new addition to our family! At Roger's insistance, we officially adopted Adrianna. I have to say, despite my initial doubts, she's been a terrific fit for our family. She takes care of the kids while we're at work, she cooks all our meals, and even pays rent. Roger still makes nightly trips to the basement, and I'm not quite sure that that's legal or even ethical, he's never seemed happier.
September was a very exciting month for the Stillman clan! We all caught a rare, airborn virus that ravaged most of our town. Thousands died, but not us, we have survival genes! I feel the closest we've ever been as a family was when we were under that quarantine tent. We played games, sang songs, succeeded in invoking the dark one through our years of practicing black magic...which by the way, needs to be mentioned, despite his ritual sacrificing of Adrianna and our dog Sparkles, is one heck of a sweet guy, it was a blast. I'd say the only downside of the experience was I passed out from the virus.
And that's the last thing I remember. I woke up a few days ago and learned that not only was it a few days until Christmas, but that I had been kicked out of the house. Adrianna had reappeared, having been summoned from the dead, and she has now completly usurped my position as head of the household. Which is fine really. My husband is scum and my kids are a bunch of freaks. Let her and her "perfect ass" deal with it. Yeah...you try having four kids and we'll see who has the perfect ass......
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes....have a merry Christmas and a wonderful 2011!
With love,
The future Mrs. Stillman, inmate #4908765
PS: I don't think her ass is that great
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Ad Nauseum
Saw a couple ads that struck me recently, and since my thoughts are too long for Twitter, I thought I'd do some bloggings.
Hey, indulge me. I don't blog much.
================================================
Saw an ad for Twilight: Eclipse saying "It's the perfect holiday gift"
Yes kids. Celebrate the birth of our savior with the offspring of Satan!
==========================
If the car commercial where the lady sees Erik Estrada at a car dealership and shouts "What are you doing here?!" was more realistic, his response would be "I live here, you stupid bitch!"
Hey, indulge me. I don't blog much.
================================================
Saw an ad for Twilight: Eclipse saying "It's the perfect holiday gift"
Yes kids. Celebrate the birth of our savior with the offspring of Satan!
==========================
If the car commercial where the lady sees Erik Estrada at a car dealership and shouts "What are you doing here?!" was more realistic, his response would be "I live here, you stupid bitch!"
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