A chilling sign of things to come

I recently had a scary thought:

If the world ever ends (I don't believe in end all, be all), future societies will uncover a second by second account of the events on Twitter and blogs.

So...I just want to take this oppurtunity to say Hello future! I'm the sex god of the 21st century! Many women of this world become sexually aroused at the mere mention of my name. I also had lots of money, owned Australia, and brought world peace.

Unfortunately, all pictures of me were destroyed in the nuclear holocaust/warmed globaling/zombie attack/Godzilla rampage, however, if you are building a statue of me, I'm a 6'5 well coiifed, tanned blonde with a perfect physique. Thank you in advance! May my preserved body one day visit your society and make whores of your women.

I'll see you then.

Important food for thought from Mickey T. Gardener

Everybody Hates Chris was just on Nick at Nite.

That's right. A show that originated on UPN was on Nick at Nite.

Was Homeboys in Outer Space and Desmond Pfeifer not available?

And what of the WB? Was a talking stuffed bunny rabbit considered too real? For the network that once brought us reruns of Mr. Ed and Lancelot Link?

What of the WB indeed.......

Death, taxes, and pants

I realized today that the one constant in my 8 and a half years of being online is pants.

Whether I'm inventing them, not wearing them, talking about the greatness of Hammer Pants (No link available....sad, no?).....huh, I guess I'm really that predictable.

Every online identity I've had, pants eventually come up (Or is it pant eventually comes up) in the discussion.

That's either really pathetic or really awesome.

Oh well......hike up your pants, everyone!

Paul and Storm wanna sing to what????

Check out the new song by comedy duo Paul and Storm, I Will Sing a Lullabye

A perfect style parody of Coldplay, a band I don't hate, but never really cared for either. In fact, the only song I really genuinely like by them is Vida La Vida, which is weird because it's an overplayed, ubiquitous radio hit.

Here's hoping you don't get fired.

Welcome campers!

For those who don't know me, I am Mickey, the Dingo, the Hip Hop Hamburglar, that guy with the Abraham Lincoln riding a big wheel thingie, and of course, sexy idol to millions of fans of sexy idols.

I had a blog, the Mickery Files, which I would post all kinds of goofy shit and occasionally give you a glimpse into my real life. I'm also a semi-regular contributor to Tork's Blog, a haven for all things geeky and perfect for readers with knee fetishes (Don't ask).

Anyhoo, the Mickery Files is dead. Has been for quite some time, and I have no plans to revive it (No, please don't all rush to send in your demands to restart it all at once). It ended in a hail of glory, with the single best blog post in the history of blogging, and I could never hope to achieve even half of the super awesomeness of the Mickery Files' swan song, even if I tried.

So why am I trying again?

During the last few years, I went through a crisis, and it's changed my views on life. It's hard to explain. I'm much more cynical and far less hopeful (Not that I had much hope to begin with), but I've just kind of accepted my fate. Sure, I want things to be a hell of a lot better than they are now, but what's the point? I'm 30 now. In order for me to be where I'm supposed to be, I have to rebuild my life from scratch. I've already had to go through this process once (I may or may not go into this further, but I imagine most of the 3 people who will read this know some of my past), I just don't see what the benefits are.

I don't know where my life is heading (Well, besides the inevitable quadruple bipass in a few years), I just know I'm a loser with no life, and in the grand tradition of losers with no life before me, it needs to be chronicled on the internet.

Don't get me wrong: This blog will contain plenty of the goofy ass shit that you're used to seeing from me. I promise I won't be another emo sweatstain on the muscle shirt of the internet. But I'll also be more introspective, and share more of my thoughts and what's going on with me.

I'll be honest with you: I don't know how frequently this blog will be used. Much like everything in my life, I have ideas, but I'll probably see something shiny and forget what I wanted to do. I'll probably end up forcing myself to post more than once, and the posts will have that "Tried to hard" smell. Although in my defense, I'd hardly be the first person to be guilty of that.

So I think that's as good as a first post I can write. Hopefully, I'll continue seeing some of you round these parts. Of course, I'm not sure any of you are even reading this, in which case, I'll just pretend I have readers that are sick of this blog after the first post and have already abandoned me. To which I say, fuck all y'all. I never needed my old readers anyway. My current readers who've stuck with me all these years are the true fans.

-Neil

PS-Swedish fish still FTW