I Need Help

Well, we knew that already, but....

Anyway, I'm finally in the 21st century and finally got me a high speed connection.

Great, but before all the pomp and circumstance, I'm getting one headache after another and I just want to get online without all the technobabble (I'm allergic)

So here's the deal: My niece has the modem/router/whatever that dealie is. I got me a card/adapter/whatever this dealie is.

First problem was finding the network I was supposed to be on. This took me several trips online through my dial up before I finally got the info I needed in a language I could understand (Funny aside: It was the one I went on in the first place but left a few seconds later because I didn't want to be somewhere I wasn't supposed to be.

So I finally got on the network, and now this lovely deal:

"Limited or no connectivity

you might not be able to access the internet or some network resources. This problem occured because the network did not assign a network address to the computer."

Finding several results but only finding a couple I understand, even after searching the entire error message. I tried the ones I do understand, nothing.

So I figure the starting point is getting the IP assigned.

The sites I seem to keep finding either only explain how to assign an IP to the main computer (My niece's) or to get back online after an XP Service Pack 2 glitch (I did download SP2 about three months ago, but I'd like to worry about my current problem before checking to see if that's the problem, because I doubt it, since it seems like that's a problem for people already on high speed who downloaded SP2 and it crashed)

Also: Just for shits and giggles, I plugged her IP, Mask, Wins, whatever all those funky ass numbers are into my properties. I got a "perfect" connection, I just can't get anywhere or anything. So I guess I'm at least on the right track with that.

So anyhow yes, I am an idiot. Funny story: As frustrating as dial up is, it's even more frustrating knowing there's high speed in the house and I can't get to it.

Can any of you help me? Or do any of you at least know what I'm rambling about?

Earth Day Musings FROM THE PAST!!!!!

In clebration of Earth Day (I'm not late, am I? *loos around*), here are my thoughts on the psuedo holiday/brainwashing festival from my MySpace blog.....ALL THE WAY BACK FROM 2009!

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Earth Day? FEH!!!!!
Category: Life
Earth is trying to kill us, what with it's global warming, earthquakes, rabid squirrels, man eating plants that come out of green sewer pipes, etc.

Why in the holy hell have we given Earth a special day when all it's trying to do is kill us??? We don't have Hitler Day!

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Considering my Facebook status from Earth Day 2010, my feelings haven't changed much:

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Earth Day 2010! Celebrate the planet that has given us so much this year! 8.2 earthquakes! Continent disrupting volcanoes! Mining disasters! The Earth...the ungrateful bastard of the Solar System.

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All the more reason we need to replace Earth Day with The Fonz Day

Top 10 Craziest Census Conspiracies

1. It's all an elaborate plan by your crazy ex to find you. REALLY elaborate.
2. Determines passengers for 2012 escape pods
3. Round up all the reality show fans, shoot 'em
4. Maybe Bin Laden's here and he's really gullible...you never know....
5. The US Census is strictly being used for more "White people have names like this, while black people have names like this" jokes
6. Somebody wants more Facebook friends.......
7. If you check "Team Conan" on the census form, NBC will round you up and send you to Jay Leno sponsored re-education humor camps
8. Did we forget to mention every one who fills out the form gets a free lifetime subscription to "Post Surgery Oddities" magazine?
9. Census sent to RIAA, who will come to your home. If you have just one cd by an artist not played on top 40 radio, they will cut you.
10. Names of residents of rural areas in the south sent to probe happy aliens

It was just a typical day on the set.

The same stories, the same arguments, the same preaching to the same choir.

But the anticipation was in the air.

Tonight was the start of the next chapter. Ratings, awards, a devout fan following, none of this shit mattered.

A calling is a calling, and you can only put it off so long.

For months now, the end of the night's show signaled the beginning. Extensive training, extensive resaerch, extensive sewing of a kicky costume. Each kick, each alphabetically ordered entry into a database, each breathable fiber, bringing the day closer and closer. Today was that day.

He loved his country. He was borderline obsessed with his country. Quite frankly, his country gave him a boner.

It was time to repay the favor. He said his good night, left the studio, and embarked on his journey.

He cruised around looking for action. He stumbled upon a bank robbery in process. He briefly considered making this his first conquest, but quickly came to his senses. "It's beneath me", he thought, "and it fights the system".. He sped past the getaway driver and offered a thumbs up.

No, he was trying to hook bigger fish in bigger ponds. There was his target. He parked his car, and approached the office of his country's latest political enemy, his not at all flamboyant costume flapping in the light breeze and leaving nothing to the imagination.


He was shot to death on sight.

My new life's goal

I want to be attacked by a pundit.

No, not in some cutesy internet meme, I mean the real deal, I wanna full on on-air "Neil Persson is the next Hitler!" rant!

I don't care what affiliation does it....Bring me your conservatives, your liberals, your lovable inbred 3rd party wackos. Be you teabagger, salad tosser, or a member of the Pearl Necklace Brigade (Oh, they're good), bring on the hate!!!

And hey...if you know any political pundits, pass this along. Tell them I hate them and I will eat their puppy!

Note: I do not condone Hitler or eating puppies.

Tickets going fast!!!!

Get your tickets for an Evening With Mickey T. Gardener!!!!

The event takes place in my garage, and features an introduction by Mickey T. Gardener, followed by the man of the evening, Mickey T. Gardener!

Join me as I discuss my process (Hint: All my jokes are stolen from Welcome Back Kotter reruns), and other exciting tidbits related to my process.

Tickets are $350,000 (Cheap!) and include folding chair level seating, access to buffet of Swedish Fish and Hannaford root beer, and free parking by the basketball hoop.

People who pre-order their tickets using a credit card will recieve a "New England Patriots 19-0 2007 Champions" t-shirt.

Act now, or don't!

Mickey's exciting Academy Awards night wrap up!!!!

I went to sleep at 7, woke up at 11:30 and caught the rest of Def Leppard's Behind the Music Remastered. Damn, those guys just can't catch a break, can they?

Number of nominated movies I've seen: 0