It was just a typical day on the set.

The same stories, the same arguments, the same preaching to the same choir.

But the anticipation was in the air.

Tonight was the start of the next chapter. Ratings, awards, a devout fan following, none of this shit mattered.

A calling is a calling, and you can only put it off so long.

For months now, the end of the night's show signaled the beginning. Extensive training, extensive resaerch, extensive sewing of a kicky costume. Each kick, each alphabetically ordered entry into a database, each breathable fiber, bringing the day closer and closer. Today was that day.

He loved his country. He was borderline obsessed with his country. Quite frankly, his country gave him a boner.

It was time to repay the favor. He said his good night, left the studio, and embarked on his journey.

He cruised around looking for action. He stumbled upon a bank robbery in process. He briefly considered making this his first conquest, but quickly came to his senses. "It's beneath me", he thought, "and it fights the system".. He sped past the getaway driver and offered a thumbs up.

No, he was trying to hook bigger fish in bigger ponds. There was his target. He parked his car, and approached the office of his country's latest political enemy, his not at all flamboyant costume flapping in the light breeze and leaving nothing to the imagination.


He was shot to death on sight.

My new life's goal

I want to be attacked by a pundit.

No, not in some cutesy internet meme, I mean the real deal, I wanna full on on-air "Neil Persson is the next Hitler!" rant!

I don't care what affiliation does it....Bring me your conservatives, your liberals, your lovable inbred 3rd party wackos. Be you teabagger, salad tosser, or a member of the Pearl Necklace Brigade (Oh, they're good), bring on the hate!!!

And hey...if you know any political pundits, pass this along. Tell them I hate them and I will eat their puppy!

Note: I do not condone Hitler or eating puppies.

Tickets going fast!!!!

Get your tickets for an Evening With Mickey T. Gardener!!!!

The event takes place in my garage, and features an introduction by Mickey T. Gardener, followed by the man of the evening, Mickey T. Gardener!

Join me as I discuss my process (Hint: All my jokes are stolen from Welcome Back Kotter reruns), and other exciting tidbits related to my process.

Tickets are $350,000 (Cheap!) and include folding chair level seating, access to buffet of Swedish Fish and Hannaford root beer, and free parking by the basketball hoop.

People who pre-order their tickets using a credit card will recieve a "New England Patriots 19-0 2007 Champions" t-shirt.

Act now, or don't!

Mickey's exciting Academy Awards night wrap up!!!!

I went to sleep at 7, woke up at 11:30 and caught the rest of Def Leppard's Behind the Music Remastered. Damn, those guys just can't catch a break, can they?

Number of nominated movies I've seen: 0

The Envioromental Candidate

Someone please tell me how you can be an Environmental Candidate when blanketing a town with flyers that absolutely everyone will throw in the trash.

Ever hear of e-mail dude? And then I can blcok you?

Shut up, you whiny mail babies!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw, Saturday delivery's costing us money, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! That god damn internet!


Look, fuckers...you know who delivers mail on Saturday? Twice!! That stupid pelican on Animal Crossing! In fact, he does it twice EVERY DAY, including SUNDAY! And he has a girlfriend! And he takes time at least once a week to stop and fratanize with the townspeople!

Are you saying a pelican is better than you? You make me sick

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